Essay Masterclass  /  Module Ten

University of California

1

Not Essays

The University of California calls these personal insight questions and the name is accurate. They are questions. You answer them.

Which sounds obvious and is not, because everything you have built over ten modules pushes the other way. No opening hook. No scene you enter in the middle. No withheld noun. No held-back reveal, no turn two-thirds through, no callback in the final line. All of that is craft you have earned and none of it belongs here.1

The answer comes in sentence one. If the question asks about your greatest talent, the first sentence names the talent. If it asks how you have made your school better, the first sentence says what you did.

Then you spend the remaining three hundred and forty words proving it.

Compare the two openings you might write for a question about a talent.

The gymnasium smelled of floor polish and old rubber, and I was the last one there again, which by then had stopped surprising anybody.

I can teach anybody to solder in about twenty minutes.

The first is a good personal statement opening and the wrong instrument. It is atmospheric, it withholds, and it costs you twenty-four words before the reader knows what the answer is. The second states the claim in eleven words and leaves three hundred and thirty-nine to substantiate it, which at this length is the difference between one piece of evidence and four.

Two more differences worth internalising.

Repetition across answers is not penalised the way it is inside one essay, but redundancy of subject is. You are not being read for elegance across the set, you are being read for coverage.

The prose can be plainer than anything else you have written. Not careless. Plain. Direct, unliterary sentences that get out of the way of the content. Everything from Module Five still applies and everything from Module Two mostly does not.

2

Choosing Four

Eight questions, you pick four, and the picking is the highest-leverage decision in this module. Most of the damage is done before a word is written.

The commonest failure is four strong answers that all say the same thing about you. A student who is proud of one part of their life will find that leadership, creativity, community and challenge can all be answered from it, and will produce four well-written responses that together carry a single claim.2

The rule is coverage. Choose the four that let you cover four different things.

So do the selection as a grid rather than as a preference. List all eight questions. Against each, note which part of your life you would answer it from, and what claim the answer would make. Then choose the combination that produces four different subjects and four different claims, even where that means declining a question you could answer more impressively.

A useful spread looks something like this: one academic, one about people, one about something you made or ran, one about a difficulty or a limitation. Four quadrants of a person. Nothing overlapping.

Two practical notes on selection.

Do not pick a question because it is easy. The easy ones are easy because your answer is already formed, and an already-formed answer is usually the rehearsed one.

Check against the rest of your file. These arrive alongside your activity list, and they are read by people who can see it. An answer whose whole content is visible in the list is spending three hundred and fifty words on something already known.

Then, once selected, read the four in sequence as a set, which is how they are read. Ask what somebody knows about you having read all four. If the answer is one thing, go back to the grid.

3

Evidence Density

Now the thing that separates the good answers from the average, and it is measurable.

Roughly one concrete piece of evidence per sixty words. At three hundred and fifty words that is five or six, which is far more than students expect and about three times what a first draft contains.3

A concrete piece of evidence is a thing somebody could check or picture. A number, a name, a date, an object, a specific action, a quoted line. Not an assertion, not a quality, not a general description of a pattern.

The arithmetic is what makes this useful. A first draft at this length typically has two pieces of evidence and a great deal of connective reasoning about them. Getting to six means the reasoning has to compress hard, and the compression is the improvement: you discover that three of your explanatory sentences were saying the same thing, and the space they were using fits two more facts.

Count it explicitly. Go through your draft and put a mark next to each concrete item. If you have three, you need three more, and they exist in your material rather than in your prose.

What the space is for

Three hundred and fifty words feels generous after a hundred and fifty and it is not. Here is a workable allocation.

The answer, stated, in one or two sentences. Then two situations rather than one, because two makes a pattern and one makes an anecdote. Then what you changed or learned, briefly, at the end, without the epiphany machinery from Module Three.

Notice that two situations is the structural key. At this length you have room for two, and a reader who sees the same behaviour in two different places concludes it is a trait. A reader who sees it once concludes it happened once.

What to cut first

When you are over the limit, and you will be, cut in this order.

Any sentence restating the question. Any introduction. Any sentence explaining what you are about to describe. Any adjective doing a noun's work. Then, last, one of your two situations, and only when everything above is gone.

Do not cut evidence to preserve reasoning. That is the instinct and it is backwards. The reasoning is the part the reader can do themselves.

The work

1

Not Essays

  1. Read all eight questions once. Then write, for each, the one-sentence answer. Just the answer, no context, no scene.
  2. Look at those eight sentences. Each one is a candidate first line, and any that cannot be stated in one sentence is a question you do not yet have an answer to.
  3. For the four you will use, check the first sentence states the answer rather than approaching it. Delete any atmospheric opening you have written.

Done when eight one-sentence answers exist and no chosen answer opens with a scene.

2

Choosing Four

  1. Build the grid. Eight questions down the side. Against each, the part of your life you would answer from, and the claim it would make.
  2. Choose the four that produce four different subjects and four different claims. Decline a question you could answer more impressively if it overlaps.
  3. Check each against your activity list and drop anything whose content is already fully visible there.
  4. Read your four choices as a set and write down what somebody knows about you after all four. If it is one thing, redo the grid.

Done when four questions are chosen on coverage rather than preference, and the set tells a reader four separate things.

3

Evidence Density

  1. Draft all four. Answer in sentence one, two situations, brief consequence at the end.
  2. Count the concrete items in each. Numbers, names, dates, objects, specific actions, quoted lines. Mark each one.
  3. If you have fewer than five, add more from your material. If you are over the word limit, cut in order: restatements of the question, introductions, announcements, adjectives, and only then one of your two situations.
  4. Read all four in sequence one last time, aloud, checking that the voice is the same one that wrote your statement.
  5. Submit by the thirtieth of November, with your own working deadline five days earlier.

Done when each answer has five or six marked concrete items, sits inside three hundred and fifty words, and contains two situations rather than one.

The whole module, in three lines

1. Not Essays
They are questions, so answer them in sentence one. No hook, no scene, no withholding, no callback. Plain sentences that get out of the way.
2. Choosing Four
Pick for coverage, not for strength. Four different subjects making four different claims, checked against your activity list and read as a set.
3. Evidence Density
One concrete item per sixty words, so five or six per answer. Two situations rather than one, because two make a pattern. When cutting, protect the evidence and cut the reasoning.

If you keep one sentence: state the answer first, prove it twice, and count your facts rather than trusting your prose.

Notes

  1. The format, the count of eight questions and the four-answer requirement are from the University of California's own application. Both example openings are constructed by us. The University of California responses in our essay bank were used to check that the direct opening is what actually appears in successful answers.
  2. The coverage rule and the grid are ours, from the University of California responses in our essay bank where the commonest weakness is four answers carrying one claim.
  3. The density target of one concrete item per sixty words is ours, counted from the strongest University of California answers in our essay bank. On compressing reasoning to make room for evidence, Joseph Williams and Joseph Bizup, Style.